…Using the tried and tested method of kids going to the seaside, I have successfully nagged the Staffordshire Newsletter into submission. Though they’ve rejected my suggested headline of ‘Bald man conquers Midlands shocker,’ they will be running an article / review of The Melting Pot sometime in the next fortnight.
Ah, the summer of 1992 - I remember it well - Gary and I scarpering down the Wolverhampton road, behind us Marek’s house on fire, an hilarious prank gone horribly wrong. In essence the joke was sound. The issue was one of timing:
1. Wrap dog excrement in newspaper. 2. Light with match. 3. Push through letterbox. 4. Ring doorbell. 5. Marek stamps out fire / hilarity ensues*
* Marek in bath / doesn’t stamp out fire / Marek’s dad apprears with axe.
Oh how it has dogged me these fifteen years waiting for the statute of limitations to expire so that I could have another go.
It’s surprisingly difficult to set fire to a paperback, especially when there’s a light drizzle. Once again the principle was sound:
1. Light book. 2. Rush into reception of publishing house trailing fumes and shouting ‘My God, this new author’s so hot.’ 3. Rush out again*
*Realise that I could be misconstrued as terrorist / receive odd looks from potential vigilantes / bottle it.
…Not easy in this day and age. My idea was to douse myself in petrol and run naked onto the set of Richard and Judy, screaming obscenities with a copy of The Melting Pot squeezed between my buttocks…but in hindsight this would have been folly…far better to write a blog…To explain:
I’m trying to become a writer. Like many others I’ve spent several years honing my craft whilst collecting amusing rejection letters from literary agents - The best of which read ‘Dear Martin re: your book. Not interested. However, if you’d like to buy my book on how to better market your work please send me a cheque for £15.’
Finally realising what I was up against I decided to finance the book myself and got it edited, typeset, designed and printed, (an experience I thoroughly recommend to any other non-published hopefuls although bloody hard work). As it stands today the book’s available on-line at Amazon, and is gradually getting into branches of Waterstones.
Sold my first 100 last week, thanks largely to friends and family, but now begins the real challenge - How to reach a wider audience without the backing of a publishing house (?) This blog chronicles my various non-life-threatening attempts to publicise The Melting Pot.
