UncategorizedOctober 31, 2007 5:03 pm

Really got my hopes up there - I found a site that said [The Melting Pot - Martin Cororan - 26 ratings]

http://travel.ciao.co.uk/The_Melting_Pot__6506397

Turns out they have me mixed up with the American cheese-fondue restaurant of same-name.

Click through to the ratings and you get such gems as ‘I got paid loads for sex tips,’ ‘cash cash cash and more cash’ and ‘flog all your old stuff’ - none of which bear particular relevance to my book…

There must be some way I can capitalise on this?

UncategorizedOctober 29, 2007 11:10 pm

…is just one of the many key-words/phrases I shall be using from now on in the hope of increasing my hit-rate. Others include ‘Dwarf-tossing,’ ‘Nigella Lawson,’ ‘Pope,’ and ’Hermione Granger.’

Book-wise….

1. Having recently finished harrassing my work colleagues to within an inch of their lives, I decided to get another job / meet new readers - A fairly drastic marketing technique given that it now entails commuting 40 miles each way, but then most early sales come from direct contact*

2. I’ve entered some short-story competitions with three pieces - ‘Black is the new white,’ ‘Pragmatism,’ and ‘The one true religion.’

3. Been begging other bloggers to add me to their links.

4. Watched back-to-back episodes of ‘Family guy’ whilst eating too much**

*Not sole reason for getting new job.

**Ineffective.

UncategorizedOctober 24, 2007 1:13 pm

Online forums - aren’t they amazing!

You can talk to anyone in the world, and anyone in the world can talk to you.

Yesterday that anyone was a white supremacist.

He wished me luck in my endeavours and then went into an unprovoked, free-form rant about various ethnic groups. Not wishing to be tracked across the Atlantic and killed I complimented him on his extensive vocabulary and lamented the sad fact that we were separated by many thousands of miles.

Note to self: In future, anyone who begins a mail: ‘I am normal,’ should set your alarm bells ringing.

Anyway - I’m gonna sign off now. There are knives to sharpen and my imaginery grandmother is summoning me to the attic…

UncategorizedOctober 20, 2007 9:52 pm

As a special Saturday morning treat it was my absolute joy to witness a frail little old lady going ballistic in the middle of a crowded department store. Angry that a garden furniture display had been replaced with Christmas decorations, she subjected a young manager to a sensational string of expletives. When the man in question attempted to pacify her with, ‘It’s winter madam. We don’t have much call for gardening,’ she responded with, ‘I’m eighty-one. I may not be alive come the spring.’

For a moment there I experienced a mini-epiphany - something about perspective and fate…

… ‘This place is shit,’ the old woman howled and the moment was lost!

What does this have to do with ‘The Melting Pot’ ? Not a lot really, but stretching the narrative somewhat - perspective is a bizarre thing don’t you think? (stay with me people), and my first foray into the published word seems to be evoking a hot or cold response. Readers seem to either love it or find it not to their taste. On reflection I’m pretty happy with that.

I was talking to a work-colleague last week. He pointed over to a lady at the other side of the office and said, ‘That woman absolutely hates me.’

‘Better than her not knowing who you are,’ I replied.

UncategorizedOctober 12, 2007 2:05 pm

God bless ‘Gannon’ for restoring my faith in humanity:

http://www.writingforums.org/showthread.php?t=5703 

Uncategorized 12:46 pm

Spike Milligan once did a sketch about a Mormon boxer who stepped into the ring with his hands tied behind his back. I sympathise with the man. Having been well and truly dicked by various online forums this week I’ve decided that a new direction is called for. A number of site moderators have written to me and said, ‘Don’t take the cynicism personally.’ I haven’t, but I do now see the folly in raving about your own work.

Who wouldn’t! It carries no credence, and no one believes that the reviews are genuine.

So, looks like I’m gonna have to bend the principles of guerrilla marketing and spend a bit of money.

The latest brainwave is to get postcards into coffee-shops. I’ve found a company who do that sort of thing (including distribution), but it doesn’t come cheap.

The other idea is to enter some short-story competitions and possibly get my name out there via different work.